I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize