hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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