I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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