i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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