just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize