I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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