I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize