Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am available for nakedness
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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