I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize