ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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