Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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