I cannot find my penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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