I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize