my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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