I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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