you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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