flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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