i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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