You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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