As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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