Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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