If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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