We got so high we made milksteak
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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