Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize