So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
is it fun? or sober?
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