it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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