shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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