So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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