come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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