He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize