the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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