How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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