I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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