i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize