this beer tastes like vomit already
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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