I can text with my tongue
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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