If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
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I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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