No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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