her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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