You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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