Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize