you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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