You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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