just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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