Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i will never coherently bang her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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