life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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