"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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