Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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