Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize