I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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